FREE COLLEGE

This isn’t about Bernie Sanders and his promises of making college free in America, but the last time I received any "free education" was in high school.  The thought of our colleges turning into high schools scares me deeply.  Sometimes you get what you pay for in life.  However, this about actual free college for those who truly love to learn. 

How the Open Yale Courses are not the biggest thing on the internet is beyond me.  It’s freaking YALE!  They have cameras set up in the classes and you can watch an entire course for free!  Some classes have $20 companion books for the courses and they range from economics, philosophy to pre-law course.  Did I mention this was all free?

You can check it out on You Tube and I Tunes. 

So put down the phone or remote and get ur lern on!

http://oyc.yale.edu/

Chris 

THE CHEESEBURGER THEORY

I did not come up with The Cheeseburger Theory, but I wish I had.  It was first explained to me by a good friend around late 2002.  This was during the build up to the Iraq invasion and it went like this: invade the country, get rid of Saddam, put a McDonald's on every corner and all will be good.  Not to go down the road of how the war actually played out, but at the time it sounded plausible to me.  Even if The Cheeseburger Theory sounded crazy, and as much as I was against the Iraq war and as much as I hated to admit it, I could totally see it working. 

I did believe The Cheeseburger Theory for a while as it has enjoyed enormous success in America.  Everywhere I looked I would see cheeseburgers for sale and people are happy to stand in line for them.  They are cheap and they make you fat and happy, and that is not a bad deal for $2.99.  I patiently waited, via cable news, for the same scenario to play out in Iraq but, sadly, The Cheeseburger Theory never gained any traction.  I think all the McDonald’s were ultimately car-bombed and the employees were beheaded.  And you thought working at a McDonald’s in America sucked?

To this day, when I hear about how terrible life is in this county, I always come back to The Cheeseburger Theory.  How can life be so bad if there are cheeseburgers available everywhere?  How is life so miserable when you can get stuffed on beef, bread, and cheese for a few bucks?  And if you get beheaded in this country, you were either hanging with some real psychos or you just had it coming. 

Full disclosure: I hate cheese and only eat normal hamburgers. 

Chris 

"DIGITAL LIFESTYLES"

Strolling through my local chain book store last Sunday I came across this “Digital Lifestyles” section.  First, let me say that this is stroke of marketing genius.  I would have never thought of this in a million years, but someone did and now people can justify their laziness as a lifestyle.  Hours and hours spent staring at a screen and clicking buttons is a lifestyle choice now people, get with the program.

 

Honestly, I wish I was a gamer on some level.  It seems like such an escape to be so captivated by a video game.  You go and buy a new game and there goes your weekend.  It must be great to not be distracted by anything else.  I do own a PS3 which I play a few times a year – mainly some Madden when football season kicks off and I get the football fever.  But I can’t do it year around for hours on end.  I use my PS3 to watch movies and You Tube most of the time. 

I once worked with a guy who told me, in the course of getting to know one another, he always took a week off in November without exception.  I asked was it an anniversary thing for him and his wife, to which he answered, “No way! That’s when the new Call of Duty comes out!”  He would wait at Game Stop until midnight to get the new Call of Duty and then take an entire week off from work to play it.  He had truly embraced the “Digital Lifestyle”.

“By the way, if anyone here is in marketing or advertising . . . kill yourself.” – Bill Hicks

Chris 

EYEHATEGOD

EYEHATEGOD

Any record review worth a damn should begin with an album that means something to the person.  I am going to spare you any “This record saved my life!” moments as well, because, if anything, this record was the soundtrack to a very bleak era of my life characterized by alcohol, stupidity, pawn shops, and an unwavering pursuit of oblivion.  So, I give you EYEHATEGOD’s “Take as Needed for Pain.”

There is something buried in the layers of sludge, down tuned guitars, feedback, and screaming that seemed to fit my descent into a very Bukowski-like lifestyle.  Most days I would show up to work still half drunk and stoned to go through the motions required of me to earn a paycheck.  Immediately after payday, I would spend the weekend drinking Budweiser, smoking like a freight train while EHG blared from my stereo.  It was like always having good company around you; the kind of company that always approves of your self-destruction and never seems to pass judgment. 

Welcome to Sketch Town, bubba.     

I am not trying to glorify or recommend that kind of lifestyle to anyone.  However, EHG will always serve as a good soundtrack if you find yourself in that kind of situation.  Below I have listed a few key points to serve as a guide to help the reader determine if they are currently in similar a situation:

·         Missing work due to massive hangovers/ Still too intoxicated to work

·         Using change to buy booze

·         More of your possessions are in the pawn shop than at your house

·          Planning ways to screw people over for your own amusement

·         Secretly hating everyone around you

·         Random acts of vandalism past the age of 30

This music is not for the faint of heart.  It is not necessarily even intended for “happy” people. Those suburban wasters who are happy to spend their weekends agonizing over which type of shrub or bush will complete their “backyard oasis” at the local mega-home improvement outlet store.  It is not for those who worry about how high-interest rates will affect their 30 year mortgage, while still allowing sufficient funds for their wife’s long overdue breast augmentation.  

You don’t listen to EHG on the golf course.  You don’t listen to EHG on your way to Old Navy. You don’t listen to EHG while you are crying to psychiatrist about how your mom never showed you any affection and how your dad forgot your birthday.  You listen to this band when you have given up and you don’t give a fuck anymore.  You suck up your problems and accept your broken, hopeless lot in life.  You gather up all your loose change, decide what items will go to the pawn shop today, call the guy who gets things, and you chase oblivion.  

Chris 

A QUICK NOTE ABOUT ZINES

I constantly hear people complaining about “losing their rights” in this county.  The impending hammer of an absolute totalitarian society is just around the corner.  We are all going to be in FEMA camps this summer, etc.  We all know those people.  Not to say all of that is not possible, but just very unlikely.  What I see is not a loss of rights, but rather a complete apathy towards them.  

That is the beauty of Zines.  It is free speech in the purest form.  You can be the freedom of the press you always hear about.  Zines are one of the purest expressions and exercise of free speech readily available to anyone who wants to express anything.

It is absolutely baffling to me that the high schools in this country aren’t littered with them.  Had I know about this medium during my stint in high school, man I would have had a new one out every week!  The Zine would have been the reason for my expulsion, not my behavior.  But I don’t see that same anger and resentment in today’s generation.  I see a concern about shoes, phones, and Snap Chat. 

      

Ultimately, when you really think about it, not using a right is about the same as losing it.  Perhaps, as a result of our conditioning, we have become convinced that we are only here to consume and not produce, and that thought depressed me to no end.  

Chris 

 ROUGHDALE: Southern Decay in the 21st Century

Southern sludge meets gonzo journalism meets pulp commentary.  This Zine explores the strangeness and nuance of everyday life while giving a voice to unheard artists and musicians.  Submissions and trades are always welcomed. 

ROUGHDALE is an exercise in free speech and ignorance.

For fans of: Hunter S. Thompson, Charles Bukowski, Bret Easton Ellis, Cormac McCarthy, Haruki Murakami, Motorhead, Eyehategod, and Coors Light. 

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