GRAVEWARDS - SUBCONSCIOUS LOBOTOMY

Remember when music had rules?   If you liked punk you were supposed to hate metal, death metal hated black metal, metal hated grunge, etc.  Each genre had its type of riffs and style you were supposed to play. 

Yeah, fuck all that.   

Since the “rule book” was thrown out, there has been some great cross pollination across old genre borders and we are all better for it.  Music has simply gotten better if you know where to look to find it, and apparently Greece is one of those places.    

GRAVEWARDS is a death metal band based in Athens, Greece that formed in 2015.

GRAVEWARDS plays Death Metal but not the boring variety we all know.  This album flows and grooves.  Most Death Metal, in my opinion, is nonstop speed and noise, which is cool is its own way, but gets old after a while.   However, in GRAVEWARDS there is space for the riffs to breathe and it creates an almost hypnotic atmosphere.  Elements of Doom Metal and melodic guitar work pepper the songs.  Don’t get me wrong, this is still some heavy music, but what has impressed me more than anything is the dynamics of it.  Each song has something to offer and not simply heaviness for its own sake.

Plus, the production quality is top notch. 

Chris

https://www.facebook.com/Gravewards/?fref=ts

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4-pKupBX5CYmHtDpmuuAaw

MC JIMMY JOE JUMPBACK reviews the new GOO FISH

I jus got this nu GoO FIsh cd in tha mail an I listen to it, 

Whut a peace of krap. 

Dem dudes b ackting like dey all cool n know how 2 play musik.  

Y do dey kept sednig me there cds?

Akting like dey tha coolest dudes in tha trailer park n shit

I H8 Dat stoopid band. 

Fuk GoO FiShes

- MCJJJB

** Editor's Note** 

MC Jimmy Joe Jumpback is a free lance hip hop artist, poet, and trailer park resident.  He currently resides in Ferriday, LA.  

He can be reached on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/JimmyJoeJumpback 

IF YOU LIKE GHOST . . . OR IF YOU HATE THEM

With all the pending court battles for GHOST, it looks like MAGNA CARTA CARTEL will get a second chance.  Is it me or does this seem very similar to what SLIPKNOT did?  Let’s get all famous and then go back to our old bands and try to get them as famous as our major label band?  I’m looking at you Cory Taylor.  I don’t know if that’s the case here or GHOST has simply run its course with these guys.  I could only imagine that after a while all the theatrics and costumes would get old. 

“Let’s just jam without having to dress up!” I can imagine being said after every GHOST show.  In fact, there is an old MCC video on You Tube and it really looks like Tobias Forge is not wearing any pants at the show. 

       

MCC, in my opinion, was the band that they wanted to succeed and be taken seriously.  However, GHOST took off and everyone outside of the band took it way too seriously.  I always sensed that GHOST was such a sham and that the guys behind the masks were laughing at everyone who took them seriously.  That being said, if you like THE DOORS you need to listen to GHOST sometime.  The song Secular Haze sounds like it could have been on Strange Days or Waiting for the Sun.  It’s like Jim Morrison and the boys tried to play metal.

You will find some of the same melodies in MCC as you do in GHOST, but MCC is not heavy at all.  They slide between PINK FLOYD and JESU type vibes with tons of acoustic guitars and instrumental tracks.  Tobias Forge (Papa Emeritus) is singing . . .  or at least I think it’s him.  Who the hell really knows with these guys? 

The new MCC EP comes out May 5th.  Check out the video for one of the new songs. 

Chris 

MY LETTER TO WEEN

The following letter was mailed to Chocodog Records to address a grievance. True Story.

Dear WEEN, 

 In late 2009, I was getting divorced after several years of an unnecessary marriage.  We were both huge fans of WEEN and had recently seen them live in Houston and it was a staggering performance.  If living in redneck mediocrity know as Huntsville Texas was comparable to a stretch in prison, a chance to travel to Houston to see WEEN live was the equivalent of parole.  Good times.   

But the good times, as they always do, had to come to an end.  In the process of moving my worldly possessions out of our home (comic books, vinyl records, guitars and a cat), I arbitrarily gave my cousin a WEEN poster I had ordered from the CHOCODOG website a number of years ago.  It was a brown cardstock concert poster with various dogs and an old man on it.  He is also a WEEN fan and had traveled from Louisianan to help me move.  The poster seemed like an appropriate gesture of my gratitude.  After a long day of moving in the humidity of East Texas, we cracked a bottle of rum and tried to forget all the ugliness.

However, much to my surprise and bewilderment, when I visited the attorney’s office to review the divorce proceedings, the only sticking point was that I return “a WEEN music poster” (I have included copies of the paperwork to confirm this).  I immediately burst into a fit of laughter triggered by the absurdity of it all, and I could not stop!  This poor legal aid was accustom to crying, bitter spouses reacting in horrible and stupid ways to the situations they were in, but here I was laughing in her face.  “A fucking poster? A fucking poster?” is all I could produce between laughs. 

Finally she asked, “Is this your first divorce?” 

“Yes ma’am, but it won’t be my last.  This is too damn comical!”

In turn, a trip to Louisiana was planned to recover the poster.   My entire existence was reduced to recouping a piece of cardstock paper that had hung on the wall of my jam room for years was now concealed in a poster tube over 300 miles away.   In the process of retrieving the poster from my cousin the following missteps occurred:  

1. Speeding ticket from the Louisiana State Police

2. Got blackout drunk

3. Nearly fought someone (I do not remember this- see#2)

4. Slept in my truck (Again see #2)

After I regained possession of the poster I seriously considered leaving a little “signature” on it in the special way that only a man can (think DNA);  one final parting gift only detectable by black light.  But, alas, cooler heads prevailed and I dropped it at the attorney’s office with no further incident. 

So the question is: Why am I telling you guys this?  First, I would like a new poster – free of charge – considering the pain and misery the first one caused me.  You should stand behind your merchandise, my friends.  Had I know the ramifications of purchasing the first one from your website, clearly, I would have not!  Secondly, and most importantly, this is a truly outrageous story.  I wish I had the intelligence and cleverness to fabricate this tale, but it is all true.  As mentioned above, I have included copies of the divorce paperwork to prove my claims.  I have removed her name from the forms.       

Originally Published in ROUGHDALE III
Chris 

IKE LIKES TO GET WASTED

Ike likes to get wasted . . . and thank God he does.

Ike’s Wasted World is a throwback to the simpler and better times in rock and metal.  These songs breathe.  There is space for the riffs and drums to linger and there is an undercurrent of blues that runs throughout the songs.  In short, this is good stuff.  I would love to spend a day looking at this band’s record collection.  I bet I would find tons of killer 70’s rock and metal records. 

   

This album would be the perfect for a road trip or make a killer soundtrack for a biker movie. 

In short, this is an album made for action.  Action and beers.

For fans of: DIO, CANDLEMASS, LYNYRD SKYNYRD, BUDGIE, and BLACK SABBATH

Chris

https://www.facebook.com/Ikes-Wasted-World-1002579236427006/

FREE COLLEGE

This isn’t about Bernie Sanders and his promises of making college free in America, but the last time I received any "free education" was in high school.  The thought of our colleges turning into high schools scares me deeply.  Sometimes you get what you pay for in life.  However, this about actual free college for those who truly love to learn. 

How the Open Yale Courses are not the biggest thing on the internet is beyond me.  It’s freaking YALE!  They have cameras set up in the classes and you can watch an entire course for free!  Some classes have $20 companion books for the courses and they range from economics, philosophy to pre-law course.  Did I mention this was all free?

You can check it out on You Tube and I Tunes. 

So put down the phone or remote and get ur lern on!

http://oyc.yale.edu/

Chris 

THE CHEESEBURGER THEORY

I did not come up with The Cheeseburger Theory, but I wish I had.  It was first explained to me by a good friend around late 2002.  This was during the build up to the Iraq invasion and it went like this: invade the country, get rid of Saddam, put a McDonald's on every corner and all will be good.  Not to go down the road of how the war actually played out, but at the time it sounded plausible to me.  Even if The Cheeseburger Theory sounded crazy, and as much as I was against the Iraq war and as much as I hated to admit it, I could totally see it working. 

I did believe The Cheeseburger Theory for a while as it has enjoyed enormous success in America.  Everywhere I looked I would see cheeseburgers for sale and people are happy to stand in line for them.  They are cheap and they make you fat and happy, and that is not a bad deal for $2.99.  I patiently waited, via cable news, for the same scenario to play out in Iraq but, sadly, The Cheeseburger Theory never gained any traction.  I think all the McDonald’s were ultimately car-bombed and the employees were beheaded.  And you thought working at a McDonald’s in America sucked?

To this day, when I hear about how terrible life is in this county, I always come back to The Cheeseburger Theory.  How can life be so bad if there are cheeseburgers available everywhere?  How is life so miserable when you can get stuffed on beef, bread, and cheese for a few bucks?  And if you get beheaded in this country, you were either hanging with some real psychos or you just had it coming. 

Full disclosure: I hate cheese and only eat normal hamburgers. 

Chris