I did not come up with The Cheeseburger Theory, but I wish I
had. It was first explained to me by a
good friend around late 2002. This was during
the build up to the Iraq invasion and it went like this: invade the country,
get rid of Saddam, put a McDonald's on every corner and all will be good. Not to go down the road of how the war
actually played out, but at the time it sounded plausible to me. Even if The Cheeseburger Theory sounded crazy,
and as much as I was against the Iraq war and as much as I hated to admit it,
I could totally see it working.
I did believe The Cheeseburger Theory for a while as it has
enjoyed enormous success in America.
Everywhere I looked I would see cheeseburgers for sale and people are happy
to stand in line for them. They are
cheap and they make you fat and happy, and that is not a bad deal for $2.99. I patiently waited, via cable news, for the
same scenario to play out in Iraq but, sadly, The Cheeseburger Theory never
gained any traction. I think all the
McDonald’s were ultimately car-bombed and the employees were beheaded. And you thought working at a McDonald’s in
America sucked?
To this day, when I hear about how terrible life is in this
county, I always come back to The Cheeseburger Theory. How can life be so bad if there are
cheeseburgers available everywhere? How
is life so miserable when you can get stuffed on beef, bread, and cheese for a
few bucks? And if you get beheaded in
this country, you were either hanging with some real psychos or you just had it
coming.
Full disclosure: I hate cheese and only eat normal
hamburgers.
Chris
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